Being Married: Hearing with Prejudices

Being Married: Hearing with Prejudices

If I mention the word or name OBAMA – it would mean or engender different reactions from my many “diverse” group of friends. The same way in our various relationship, we have a pre-conceived idea about someone, and we often listen to that person based on those biases.

Whether we like it or not we come to conclusion about someone within ourselves (I do all the time), whether our biases are true or not is not the question, but for us to admit that we have biases, and our willing to start listening objectively.

Smart people in the field of communication, say its important for us to learn and have “Communication Skills” that would enhance our marriages and/or other relationships.

skill One: Attend the conversation – Don’t just show up physically, be there with your spirit and soul as well. No talking when your favorite TV program is going on, nor when you are tired (not of the conversation) physical (exhausted).

skill Two: Acknowledge – don’t just sit down, say something that lets the other person know you are listening and paying attention, like “Umm”, “Ok – go on”, etc.

skill Three: Invite – ask inviting question along with your acknowledgement, such as “tell me more about this part”, “I don’t understand what you mean here”…

skill Four: Summarize – after listening to the other person say what they want to say, for as long as they want to, then in your own words – repeat what you heard based on your prejudice. It is very amazing in marriages, how we hear what we want to hear not what our spouse said or meant.

skill Five: Ask – this is where you get to rebottle by asking to confirm or debunk notions or miscommunication, then following the process again sharing what you really originally meant.

Stop ruining your Marriage by listening and concluding based on your prejudices, and not what your spouse said or meant. Hear him or her out. May God help us all.