Being Together: Building a Healthy Marriage?
Every statistics (and I can bore you with many) points to the facts that, a “healthy” marriage is spiritually, emotionally, financially and physically healthy for all it’s occupants. Married men live longer and are wealthier (black men actually do better in marriage – fact), children raised in a healthy marriage do well than kids raised in a different type of home (by a far margin), women are more emotionally fulfilled and secured in a healthy marriage.
So what is a healthy marriage?
* a healthy marriage realizes that the institution is not their idea but that of a good God, who also laid out instructions on how to have a healthy marriage.
* a healthy marriage realizes that, the institution is the coming together of two individuals with separate (different) nature and nurture, hence a tough blending process. Seeks help when needed (hopefully in safe places).
* a healthy marriage realizes, no human can force another to change what they’ve believed all their lives, that it takes the Holy Spirit’s transformation via mind renewal, often a slow process, and requiring grace.
* a health marriage realizes that since I cannot change you, then I need to work on me, learning how to deal with what I don’t like in your nature or nurture, learning how to extend grace and put down my pride, and learning how to seek heaven to transform me first, then my spouse.
* a healthy home realizes that raising godly children is a command that require one front, so they learn to present one front to the children, and learn how to argue out the differences in the bedroom between each other.
* a healthy marriage realizes, the importance of spiritual health and that God is the source of Joy, not another human being (including a good spouse), we do give temporary happiness to each other, but our Joy is a fruit of the Spirit.
* a healthy marriage never keep secrets from each other, they learn to talk through things when it is emotionally painful, they learn to forgive each other even before an act of sin, they have gotten over emotional love but operates in unconditional love – the one that lays down everything (and let God avenge if taking advantage off). They are vulnerable to each other.
First published – June 17th 2014